I am a learning disability nurse and was told this sad report by a home manager of a care home. A young man in his thirties with a moderate learning disability sees his parents every week. His Mum was diagnosed with a cancer that was unable to be cured. Mum continues to come and see her son but did not feel he should know as he “wouldn’t be able to cope”. In my experience many people who say this actually mean, “I wouldn’t be able to cope if he knew” because of painful questions and seeing his distress. So he wasn’t told. Mum got worse and stopped coming as regularly and when she died the family told the carers that her son couldn’t come to the funeral or be told that she had died. This young man was clearly very confused as to why Mum stopped coming and felt abandoned. The carers didn’t agree with the family but didn’t feel they could go against them. The family finally told the young man that Mum had “gone to Heaven”, but now all this man asks is “how do I get there?” He thinks Heaven is a place like London and wants to know what bus or train he can get. No-one has yet told him he will never see his Mum again. Surely this shouldn’t happen, but how do we stop it happening?
